I've created Imagine Balance to help document my journey to a more balanced life.
In yoga, balance is much more a state of mind rather than a physical ability. I want to imagine balance so that I can achieve it.
imagining balance to achieve balance
(the hubs and I captured by Shultz Photography)
I thought I was impressively improving my patience and ability to let go of negative feelings…. then the hubs took a whole day off work. He usually works 12 hour shift overnights seven days a week. This means I’m alone a lot. In the brief hours I get with him each day, things are going great. He takes advantage of my better mood and in return is being sweeter than usual.
Not that he wasn’t sweet this morning… he was just grating my nerves. Playing his music loud while showering (when I’m used to being able to practice my yoga in silence or to my own music). Spraying his cologne in the hall (which has now spread to every room in the house). Eating my cereal. Getting the cat riled up. All things I would be used to if he were on day shift.
I will say (proudly) that I didn’t say anything to him. I took deep breaths (prior to the cologne incident) and I kept my mouth shut. I guess it’s all about baby steps. Today I was acting like it didn’t bother me. Perhaps if I keep working on it, eventually it really won’t bother me.
I was feeling and acting super positive thanks to my renewed yoga practice, reading positive-thinking encouraging books, meditation, and even my 21 Day Yoga Body program… And then I had to work with the uber passive-aggressive co-worker who happens to be the other shift manager (opposite days as me). Since that day last week, each time I’ve worked he’s either been there or left a message on the common board nit-picking me. At first, I was OK. I knew not to take it personally. I’ve been told by many other people who work there that it’s obvious he is intimidated by me. Which is silly because quite frankly, I do NOT plan on making a career out of waitressing or managing a restaurant.
However, after the most resent episode I was shaking with negative emotion. I was angry and I can’t help but take it personally. I have no idea how to deal with this. I obviously need to talk to the owner about him leaving notes on the board since it undermines my authority and to instead to come to me directly and discreetly if there is a problem (like the coffee maker not being shiny enough – yes, that was worthy of a note on the board).
I think it bothers me so much because I know I’m damn good at my job. I say to myself “Tara, really?! You’re upset about what he thinks? Everyone else knows better and YOU know better!” and then five minutes later I’m stressing again. It ruins my whole day.
How to you avoid taking negative comments personally?
I know for a fact that I’ve rolled my eyes when a teacher has told us it is OK to cry in Savasana. I didn’t understand what about lying still for 5-10 minutes would make you cry. And then I had an emotional breakdown a few nights ago while in corpse pose.
As you may know, I’ve been working on meditation and being present. This is extremely hard for me. I’m a planner. I feel like I’m constantly thinking “Oh I need to write that down!”. The other night as I was doing my finishing sequence, I was thinking about what I was going to write in my next post. Once in Savasana, however, I was more mindful of my thoughts and began to get upset with myself for wanting to get up and make a note. I didn’t trust myself to remember what I was thinking ten minutes later? Why couldn’t I just let it go and come back to it when I finished? If I didn’t trust myself to do what I intended, how could anyone else trust me to do what I say I will?
Of course this got me thinking back to the one session I had with a counselor a few years ago. I seem to have the opposite of ADD. I read books front to back. I start a project and need to finish it or I won’t come back to it. Things either have all of my attention or I’m wandering on to the next thing. I don’t trust myself to come back to things. I don’t believe if I put a book down that I’ll be able to pick it back up. If I don’t clean the entire kitchen today, it won’t be cleaned.
While I don’t think I’ll be able to break myself of this completely and I have no intention of abandoning my treasured to-do lists, I am attempting to stop and think “make a mental note and come back to it later”. I’m starting projects when I have a little time and learning to trust myself to come back to them later. And I’m no longer rolling my eyes at my yoga teacher when she tells us it’s OK to be emotional during our practice.