Imagine Balance

imagining balance to achieve balance

Skinny Bitch

(source : Sweet Trade)

If the first step is admitting you have a problem, then I’m a skinny bitch (don’t worry I’m working on it).

I’ve always known I was a “skinny bitch”. Someone who wants to lose weight and feels fat even though they are skinny to begin with. I’ve also judged others based on their size. And while I’ve felt bad about talking about wanting to lose weight when my starting weight was less than most people’s goals, it didn’t stop me from thinking about it. Lately, however, I’ve had some experiences that have really changed the way I look at myself and others and I feel the need to share…

My recent weight loss is probably more noticeable since I was smaller to begin with. So it wasn’t long before people were making comments about how good I was looking. At first I LOVED it. It was great motivation. Yesterday, however, when the same guy at work made a comment about how thin I was looking, it really annoyed me. I realized that I was loving them noticing the results of me eating healthy and working out… not just that I was thinner.

Add to that a few days ago I tried on a pair of my old work pants. One of the main reasons I wanted to lose weight was to fit back into these expensive clothes so that I didn’t have to buy a new wardrobe (if when I get a new job). While I could get both pairs on, they were too tight around the hips to look professional. This really upset me. After recently losing over 10lbs, I’ve been feeling really thin and these stupid pants go and make me feel fat. Then I looked at the size… one was a fucking size 2. Yes, the brand sizes big (probably so you feel thin), but I realized I don’t even want to be a size 2. Why am I upset that the damn thing didn’t fit?!

Lastly (and most importantly), I recently discovered Anna’s amazing blog, Curvy Yoga. I teared up while reading today’s post about her almost trying a ridiculous fad diet because of being judged and criticized by so many people. I’m one of those people that thought that overweight individuals just didn’t care about being healthy. Not only has her blog made me realize how overly critical I’ve been to a whole group of people, but she also made me think about my own body issues. If someone who is constantly fighting against society’s standards of health and beauty can learn to love their body, why can’t I?

I’m hoping that the realizations that I’ve had over the last few days lead to more acceptance not just of my own body, but of others who are beautiful no matter what size their tag says.

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10 responses to “Skinny Bitch

  1. Candice March 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Awesome post.

    I’ve been there where the compliments actually get annoying and taxing. For me it was like, “Okay, aren’t I worth talking to about ANYTHING else??” I was glad everyone liked how I looked but I didn’t want to talk about it every. single. day.

    Now no one says I look good most of the time and I’m okay with it. LOL I’m fine with just dealing with my own thoughts about myself.

    • taraSG March 15, 2011 at 11:37 am

      @ Candice : Thank you.

      I know! I would even prefer “You look nice in that outfit.” or “That looks nice on you.” Instead of just “You look thin today.” (Which still feels weird to complain about!)

      I’m working on finding self acceptance without needing or wanting other people to notice or comment.

  2. Terra March 10, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    I had to read this just for the title. I am happy I did:-) I am someone who struggles with weight, and will always be bigger boned even if I lose all the weight I need to. I was always jealous of the women who were naturally skinny, or just skinny. Now I am working on just focusing on me, and loving me for who I am inside and out.
    Thank you for sharing, Anna is amazing! I love reading her blogs, she is very inspirational:-)
    Take care,
    Hugs,
    Terra

    • taraSG March 15, 2011 at 11:39 am

      @ Terra : Thank you! I was really worried about posting this one. I was afraid it would offend or that what I was trying to convey would be lost. I really appreciate the kind comments!!

      I love her blog! She is incredibly inspirational!

      Take care!

  3. Aманда March 10, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Can I also point out that weight doesn’t always matter? Over the past month, I’ve gone down a pant size (I lost inches from my thighs), but I’ve either maintained or gained weight, probably because I’ve built up muscle. No one has even noticed, but being able to fit into a pant size that I’ve never been able to wear before in my life has been its own reward.

    • taraSG March 15, 2011 at 11:40 am

      @ Aманда : I know! I think my mom is hitting that point. She’s not seeing the loss on the scale, but I can see it in how her clothes fit (and more importantly, in how she holds herself).

      I don’t even think they notice anymore. It’s become some kind of pick-up line. They know it makes girls “feel good” and so they keep saying it.

  4. Y is for Yogini March 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Loving your stark honesty here. 🙂

    • taraSG March 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

      @ Y is for Yogini : Thank you! I was really worried about it, but if I’m not going to speak my mind on here, why do this at all?

  5. Anna Guest-Jelley March 18, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    Gawd, this is so awesome!! I so appreciate you sharing this; I think it’s incredibly important for us to all name our experiences. I think not talking about where we’re at with this stuff is a big part of the problem.

    Thanks also for your kind words! I’m really grateful that you found something of benefit on my site. ♥

    • taraSG March 28, 2011 at 5:11 pm

      Thank you for stopping by to check it out!

      I feel like I’m much more aware (and afraid of) my body issues recently :/

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