I've created Imagine Balance to help document my journey to a more balanced life.
In yoga, balance is much more a state of mind rather than a physical ability. I want to imagine balance so that I can achieve it.
imagining balance to achieve balance
March 10, 2011Posted by on
If the first step is admitting you have a problem, then I’m a skinny bitch (don’t worry I’m working on it).
I’ve always known I was a “skinny bitch”. Someone who wants to lose weight and feels fat even though they are skinny to begin with. I’ve also judged others based on their size. And while I’ve felt bad about talking about wanting to lose weight when my starting weight was less than most people’s goals, it didn’t stop me from thinking about it. Lately, however, I’ve had some experiences that have really changed the way I look at myself and others and I feel the need to share…
My recent weight loss is probably more noticeable since I was smaller to begin with. So it wasn’t long before people were making comments about how good I was looking. At first I LOVED it. It was great motivation. Yesterday, however, when the same guy at work made a comment about how thin I was looking, it really annoyed me. I realized that I was loving them noticing the results of me eating healthy and working out… not just that I was thinner.
Add to that a few days ago I tried on a pair of my old work pants. One of the main reasons I wanted to lose weight was to fit back into these expensive clothes so that I didn’t have to buy a new wardrobe (
if when I get a new job). While I could get both pairs on, they were too tight around the hips to look professional. This really upset me. After recently losing over 10lbs, I’ve been feeling really thin and these stupid pants go and make me feel fat. Then I looked at the size… one was a fucking size 2. Yes, the brand sizes big (probably so you feel thin), but I realized I don’t even want to be a size 2. Why am I upset that the damn thing didn’t fit?!
Lastly (and most importantly), I recently discovered Anna’s amazing blog, Curvy Yoga. I teared up while reading today’s post about her almost trying a ridiculous fad diet because of being judged and criticized by so many people. I’m one of those people that thought that overweight individuals just didn’t care about being healthy. Not only has her blog made me realize how overly critical I’ve been to a whole group of people, but she also made me think about my own body issues. If someone who is constantly fighting against society’s standards of health and beauty can learn to love their body, why can’t I?
I’m hoping that the realizations that I’ve had over the last few days lead to more acceptance not just of my own body, but of others who are beautiful no matter what size their tag says.