Imagine Balance

imagining balance to achieve balance

Savasana Freak-Out

source : Ben Heine

I know for a fact that I’ve rolled my eyes when a teacher has told us it is OK to cry in Savasana. I didn’t understand what about lying still for 5-10 minutes would make you cry. And then I had an emotional breakdown a few nights ago while in corpse pose.

As you may know, I’ve been working on meditation and being present. This is extremely hard for me. I’m a planner. I feel like I’m constantly thinking “Oh I need to write that down!”. The other night as I was doing my finishing sequence, I was thinking about what I was going to write in my next post. Once in Savasana, however, I was more mindful of my thoughts and began to get upset with myself for wanting to get up and make a note. I didn’t trust myself to remember what I was thinking ten minutes later? Why couldn’t I just let it go and come back to it when I finished? If I didn’t trust myself to do what I intended, how could anyone else trust me to do what I say I will?

Of course this got me thinking back to the one session I had with a counselor a few years ago. I seem to have the opposite of ADD. I read books front to back. I start a project and need to finish it or I won’t come back to it. Things either have all of my attention or I’m wandering on to the next thing. I don’t trust myself to come back to things. I don’t believe if I put a book down that I’ll be able to pick it back up. If I don’t clean the entire kitchen today, it won’t be cleaned.

While I don’t think I’ll be able to break myself of this completely and I have no intention of abandoning my treasured to-do lists, I am attempting to stop and think “make a mental note and come back to it later”. I’m starting projects when I have a little time and learning to trust myself to come back to them later. And I’m no longer rolling my eyes at my yoga teacher when she tells us it’s OK to be emotional during our practice.


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